letter to self

You grew over shrubs
and hedges
eating quasars like
cereal bowls.
Something remains
porcelain under sadness
and requited joy.
other things
remain so
much more.

One.

today you found
love
at the back of your
palm,
growing inwards into
your veins
and into your
heart.
you opened your
fangs and
said some things
are just
meant to be.
Remember him like
a midnight rain.
Remember him
like the ocean or
tears or the years
you’ve passed
in school hallways.
he is your solace
and you know it.

Two.

Your coffee friend
calls you
at 5 a.m. to
tell you of maple
pecan crunch.
of cohen and summer’s
separation and
how it happened and
never should have
and you agreed.
under phone calls
laced by pictures overlooking
his strait and yours.
The disappearance of a
friend is only accountable
by the loss of words
and sounds.
You can only hope and wish.

Three.

to be angry
is to be
sad.
to be sad is
lying on
linoleum tiles in the
toilet.
this is you
when he left.
to be angry
is laughing at rapists
and crying
at commercials
this is you
when you left.
realize sunshine
is a mere word
relating to the light
emitted by
the Sun’s rays
and
not his name.

Four.

how to forget your
effervescence :
leave you in
the most coward
way and
blame it on you.
join a pack
of sad pathetic
dogs.
wag your tail at
things you wish
you could
have. Do not
forget this :
you are beautiful
and need
no assurance.
because you
are all there is to Venus
and Mars and
Saturn and everything
but him.

Five.

You remind me
of a Charlie.
you remind me of
letters from
home. you remind
me of the food
sold in town.
you remind me
of a
window hanging from
its hinges.
you remind me of
Sometimes and
tokyo and light from
streetlamps
and streetcurbs
and beautiful sad
movies where the
protagonist ends
up killing his
retarded brother
because he saw
more sadness than
love and i
am one of them.

they all came
back in ways you had pictured ;
one on guitar
strings and
another on
a bus back home.
Sometimes we do
not cry when we are sad.
instead we sit
on the floor
and think of words we
were too afraid to
say. the things we
want are heavier
than our
continents combined.

how do you cope
with the comeback
of somebody
who used to be
so important in your skies?

You smile and you nod.