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:iconditzibum: More from ditzibum


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Submitted on
January 18, 2008
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There are 6 minutes to tell you
how i feel about you
and maybe then i'll know what i really want
but then thoughts of the waves and the grey skies
with thunder ahead
clouded my mind
killing one minute

There are 5 minutes to tell you how i feel about you
and maybe then you'll know what you want
but then you started talking about sad movies
and how one made you cry so much that you couldn't sleep
so you spent the whole night staring
at blank screens
and you asked me whats my favourite,
killing another minute

There are 4 minutes to tell you how i feel about you
and maybe then we'll get what we want
but then, everything was so silent,
silence so deep it seem to slice the air between us
like bullets piercing your hero's chest
in those sad movies you hate
and the silence cut right through the notion,
killing another minute

There are 3 minutes to tell you
how i feel about you
and maybe then we'll live happily ever after,
but then i dreamt of red roses with a card from you,
bubbles, chocolates and white dresses
with your hand in mine,
killing another minute,
but then
you, you looked at me with
those eyes
and you killed me
when you touched my cheek
and the thunder sounded so near
and the waves were at our feet
and it started pouring from grey skies
and i killed another minute

Now theres 1 minute to tell you
how i feel about you
and maybe then, everything
i've dreamt of will become true
but then, you melted me through
again, with those eyes of your
and i did not think of bad wheathers
and i did not care of sad movies with bullet-ridden heroines
and i did not realise the silence that was no longer there
and i did not dream of a life i'd wanted forever
All i thought was of you
you
you
you
you
you
you
you
you
and then you were gone
and i killed myself
youstupidthingshityou
Add a Comment:
 
:iconjenchol:
Jenchol Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2008   Writer
The ending is shocking but brilliant. I expected a beautiful happily-ever-after ending but it was great =]
Reply
:iconditzibum:
ditzibum Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2008
life's never really fair =)
Reply
:iconlynixious:
Lynixious Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2008
ohh i forgot to say that it is a great poem too!! i love the idea wrought into this. Very very original and gratifying at the end. i like twists =) Talented person you are from my point of view. (gawd i'm sounding like like like that thing from star wars, ahh yes Yoda).
Reply
:iconditzibum:
ditzibum Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2008
haha! whyy, thank you :blush:
and er, yoda eh. ahha
Reply
:iconlynixious:
Lynixious Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2008
i like the author's comment :D hillarious... I mean, this happened a long time ago right? no offense yea =)
Reply
:iconditzibum:
ditzibum Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2008
err yeaaa. haha i'm not sure myself, coz i can't remember.
very spur-of-the-moment kind so no certain period.
Reply
:iconblacktomorrow:
blacktomorrow Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2008
I've felt like this before. I am currently in that mind set right now. But I don't think that I'll tell him, I'm just a stranger you see.
Reply
:iconditzibum:
ditzibum Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2008
ah, I see. I suggest you talk to him. you never know where a conversation might lead to.
Reply
:iconblacktomorrow:
blacktomorrow Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2008
I don't know him and I'm afraid of what might come. Maybe one day I'll find someone.
Reply
:iconditzibum:
ditzibum Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2008
:hug:
it's okay. everyone deserves someone to love and to be loved..
Reply
:iconscrufidog:
scrufidog Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2008  Professional Interface Designer
I love the first 4 minutes, but the fifth and sixth minutes aren't so great, to me anyway. It sounds to me like you couldn't think of anything so you just said he killed you, then you killed yourself. The first four seemed very thoughtful. I would like to see the last two minutes done again, and in the same style as the first 4.

But that's just my opinion. Love the concept. Keep writing!
Reply
:iconditzibum:
ditzibum Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2008
thank you for the comment. however, I think I'll keep it that way, because the ending is meant that way. the part where he kills me twice, yea I admit, I was pretty blank. but then again, I like it.

many thanks again. =)
Reply
:iconscrufidog:
scrufidog Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2008  Professional Interface Designer
You're very welcome. I understand about not wanting to change it. I don't usually change my work for strangers either. :D
Reply
:iconrandomtart:
randomtart Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2008
fiona ]: who is it? he needs some ass spanking. D:
ASS SPANKEEENG
i love this one dollie. this deserves more than just a favourite button. :B
Reply
:iconditzibum:
ditzibum Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2008
=)
haha spankin?!
no worries, i'm alive!
ahaha. sorry >.<
Reply
:iconreddishblack:
ReDdiShBLack Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2008
ahhhh... i was like waitng... what happen for the next minute....minute by minute... and argh... seriously... i hate the ending... :| i was waiting for something like.. the last 1minute...he was like kissing you...ok... i always wish that...i do..always trapped in a situation like this...but this one...i like the fact u use 6minutes... instead of 5...10.. you know..six.. it was like very....dunno...just great...line by line..it's like tak leh agak what's gonna happen next...
Reply
:iconditzibum:
ditzibum Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2008
yea.. if he kissed me in the end, it'll be too cliched. and ntahla, i ni jenis sedih2 so memang takkan happynya ending2. haha
yea, six is a bit different, i didnt want a number that is too common, especially in terms of minutes.
Reply
:iconreddishblack:
ReDdiShBLack Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2008
yah... i mean like... if it's me... yg i write i ske if like very dreamy2... haha... which my reality was not..so.. like..suke if read sth yg very the happy... dunnooo...
Reply
:iconditzibum:
ditzibum Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2008
haha.. biasalah..
we all like to read of happy endings, in hope that it will happen to us.
tapi tak slalu camtu.
Reply
:iconreddishblack:
ReDdiShBLack Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2008
dem rite
Reply
:iconbirdmanx35:
birdmanx35 Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2008
This is great poetry, first of all. I like the form of the poem, and the ending is great. Sad, but great.

Second, as a fellow human being, I hope you are okay. Hang in there.
Reply
:iconditzibum:
ditzibum Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2008
thank you.
i actually wrote this some time back but never really got the ending right.
and thank you for your concern, i'm doing pretty good actually =)
Reply
:iconlinney69:
Linney69 Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2008  Hobbyist Writer
did something happen, girl? great poem btw
Reply
:iconditzibum:
ditzibum Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2008
nah, i'm good. =)
actually i wrote this some time ago but never really completed it.
but thanks for the concern squishy

:hug:
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